Fingers Crossed
by mobydick27
Summary: Naomi starts at University, determined to concentrate on her studying, and not let anyone distract her. That is, until Emily comes along...
1. Time Awaits Naomi

**_Hey, this is the first story I've ever written so please be nice. I've been a member here for a couple of months now, just 'observing' but I thought it was about time that I contributed...! So, yeah, this will obviously get better, as we definitely haven't met the small but perfect Emily Fitch yet. So give me a review if you want me to continue, or just anyway, I'm here to make friends too :)_**

B_rief overview, Naomi and Freddie are best friends. Naomi's off to university in London, she meets Cook and Emily along the way. Will feature all cast at some point, so give me a shout if you want me to continue..._

**1 - Time Awaits**

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shittttt.

"_Mummmmmmm!", "Mummmm!"_

As per, I was fucking later. To top it off, my room looked vaguely like a nuclear holocaust had started, and there was a bald woman asleep in my bath. Just my luck.

It's currently 9:50. My train to London leaves in 3 minutes. There is more chance that Boy George is straight than me making my train. Oh, did I mention, my mother is fucking useless.

"O_h Naomi, you're still here, I thought you left yesterday?"_

"D_id you not realise at any point, for example when I had diner with you last night, that I was still here. Christ, you're clearly an idiot. And WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A HOBO IN MY BATH?"_

"O_h darling, I thought you'd understand, you weren't here, you see, and she had no where else… I couldn't refuse…"_

I don't have time for this. Christ, she's like the biggest fucking malco since sliced bread was created. I hurried out the door, shouting a disgruntled goodbye while simultaneously grabbing a clean-ish coat from my wardrobe, and pulling my case behind me. Thank Jesus Christ in heaven that I packed yesterday, first sensible thing Freddie's ever suggested. And he was high.

Surprise, I missed it. Luckily, the next one wasn't too long a wait, and it gave me plenty opportunity to remove the pyjamas that I was still wearing underneath the coat (thank fuck I wore pyjamas last night – a first). I looked like death, microwaved. But I like to think I can pull that look off.

On the train, I deliberately headed for the quiet zone, crossing my fingers in the hope of a free double seat and a chance to catch up on the lost sleep. Fuck Freddie and his "Naomi's going to Uni" Leaving party. Turns out, half the population of the wider Bristol area had the same idea, and the place was packed out. Men in tight nylon suit sipping congealed coffee, and weekend shoppers giggling over fashion magazines. I sat down next to the quietest passenger, a guy, about my age, listening to an iPod which wasn't overly loud, but still loud enough that I could hear every word of the song. Brilliant. Chance of sleep = nil. I was just holding out for him to stay 'plugged in' all journey, train chats piss me off.

**:)**


	2. Within Moments Naomi

Chapter Two: Naomi's POV.

_Please Review, i dont bite, honest. Authors Note at the bottom, btw. an incentive to read the story :)_

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Within two minutes of sitting down, I realised I'd made a big mistake. I suppose the first indication was when he undressed me, blatantly, with his eyes, for all to see. And didn't stop when I tutted, loudly. Fucking brilliant. Two, he then paused his music. Three, he spoke to me. Christ, I make some stupid mistakes…

"_Alright Blondie"_

I ignore him

"_Babe, Babe, Babes, Babe…?"_

I cracked – _"I'm not your babe"_

"_I'd disagree. I'm pretty sure you will be"_

Great, a fucking lad. And a cocky one at that. If only I'd woken up on time…

"_I'm pretty sure I wont be" _oh good come back, Naomi. I was mentally kicking myself.

"_Cook"_

"_I don't actually". _Oh, and his blantant disregard for women shines on through, I should've known.

Now he's laughing, what the fuck is his problem…?

"_aww, Blondie, I like you"_

"_can I help you with something?" _Seriously, he's beginning to bug me.

"_Cook, James Cook. Call me Cook, or the Cookie Monster if you which"_. He accompanies that with a disgusting wink. Ew. I think I just vomited in my mouth.

"_I won't be calling you anything" _I muttered under my breath, but he still doesn't seem to have taken the hint.

"_Aw, Babe. They all come to the Cookie monster in the end. What's your name Blondie?" _

Christ, I need to escape. I ignore him as I look around, frantically searching for an escape route. Is it possible to get off at the next station, run down to the next carriage and resume my journey without leaving half my life on the station? I doubt it. Fuck it. He's now giggling at me, again. Maybe if I tell him my name he'll fuck off?

"_Naomi" _I offer reluctantly

_Naomi, I like it. Where you headed to, Naomi?" _he says that with an eyebrow wiggle. That's never attractive.

Christ, I've entered into a conversation without meaning to. Well, fuck it, everything once.

"_Uni, actually. And I'm fucking late"_

"_mint, I'm off to Uni too, university of London?"_

Fucking brilliant.

"_yeah" _accompanied by a pained smile

"_Blondie this is going to be fucking brilliant. Which halls are you in? _

If there is a God, he will make sure this Cook is on the opposite side of London to me. Please.

"_north halls, cheap…"_

I didn't ask him for an answer, but his wolf whistle is enough. Thank fuck I'm an atheist. God can go fuck himself.

"_Now, Naomes, I like you, you like me, its fresher's week, there's a toilet just up there. Lets willy waggle."_

Ooo, an offer too good to refuse. Almost.

"_No cook, I don't think so"_

On the plus side, at least I know someone.

"_Spliff then?"_

I could get to like this guy…

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The train continued its slow journey through the English countryside, filling up with ore and more people until the carriages were packed and there was no breathing space left. I ended up in the toilet with Cook. No, its not what it looks like. We made the decision that the train was packed enough for the guards not to realize we were smoking, and were therefore happily spliffed up in the very spacious disabled toilet. By spacious, I mean I could move a inch to the right and was squished against Cook on my left. I hate to have to say it, but this guy and I have got a lot in common. We'd wasted a good hour discussing complete crap, with only a couple of breaks as Cook slid his hand up my thigh and I removed it. Not that spliffed just yet.

Suddenly, the train came to a halt, and I found myself propelled forward, head in Cook's lap. Not cool. His suggestive eyebrow wiggle was enough to make me throw up.

We staggered out of the toilet, gaining disapproving looks from the other passengers, and collected our bags. Next Stop, University of London.

* * *

It definitely looked like I was stuck with the guy. Not only had I been stuck with him for the whole train journey, it turned out we had rooms opposite each other. Fucking brilliant. Lets hope I still like him in the morning.

Christ, the room was a shithole. The mattress was lumpy, and the walls stank of stale cigarettes. And we had fucking communal showers. I jumped in as soon as we arrived, seeing as I smelt delightfully of day old beer, thanks to Freddie, and low quality weed, courtesy of my newest friend James Cook. He tried to join me in the shower. I kneed him in the bollocks. I think we have an understanding.

I realised far too late that a) I'd left my clothes in my room down the corridor and b) that my towel was far too short to cover everything. Fucking hell. I had to take the leap of fucking fate and run back to my room as fast as I can. I was halfway there when a small redhead walked out in front of me. The next thing I know, I've ran into her and my towel is slipping down, exposing my right nipple.

I glance up at the girl just in time to see her run her eyes down my body before licking her lips. I feel something stir inside me. Fuck me she's beautiful.

Wait- Naomi, she's a girl. I shake my head and pull my towel up, before running the final distance to my room. Fucking hell, this day could only get better. I look out just before I close the door. She's still there, red and radiant.

Snap out of it, Naomi.

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**okay, here you go, chapter two. i've almost written CHapter 3, which is basically Emily's journey down to Univfersity, so dont worry, plenty more of our favourite Red Head to come. i know its moving quite slowly at the moment but it will get faster, i promise. **

**please review, i'm new to this and it makes me smile to know anyone is reading it. **

**moby :) xx**


	3. Happiness Hits First Emily

**sorry about the poor effort on my part to upload the next chapter. hopefully i'll be uploading more regularly in future, but you can expect a shaky few weeks, just until my exams are finished...! hopefully you're still reading, and don't forget to review! Thank you, love Moby xxx**

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I can happily say that I've looked forward to this day for as long as I have lived. Finally, I have the chance to get out of this house. Get out and form my own identity, shed the skin of just being the shadow. I can't wait to just be me, just act like I want to and not care what people think. I can't wait to get out of this fucking house, out of this fucking town. Its not a moment too soon.

I'm pretty sure when children leave the family home and go off to university its supposed to be a big deal. The whole family gets up to wave you goodbye, or, failing that, gives you a lift to haul all your stuff to your new, albeit trampy, home. Oh no, not the oh-so-fucking-wonderful Fitch Family. Dad's fucked off to build a new machine that will burn fat faster than you can say "" and Mum, well, I can't say I'm particularly upset that she's not here to say goodbye, the conversation would probably end up a bit like this:

"now, Emsy, have a great time at university, work hard, go to bed early and find yourself a lovely boy to date"

In your fucking dreams mother.

In response to her hurried and clearly uncaring note this morning, I'd purposely left my breakfast things out (what thuggish behaviour I know) and drew a massive penis on a piece of paper, signed my name underneath with a note saying: "lets hope my guy looks like this, I know Katie's don't, they've all got tiny nobs".

I know how to wind my mother up.

So here I am. Leaving. Standing outside the cramped but sort of homely place which has been the Fitch Family Residence for 16 long years. And I feel nothing. Christ, I'm turning into my mother.

Like I said, this day could not have come at a better time.

I did, however, pause long enough to think about my dysfunctional family. I had a pervert cross-dresser as a brother, who seemed to only watch me in the shower to see whether I'd matched my Bra to my knickers, like THAT'S normal. I've got a slut for a sister, need I say more. Oh, and a homophobic twat for a mother. And that's why I love them.

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The oh-so-glamorous life of Emily Fitch continued as I lugged my massive suitcase up the massive hill towards the Bus Station. Yes, I always travel in style. The Greyhound Bus to London, costing a grand total of £6.50. You could get eastern European paint stripper (I mean vodka, obviously) for more than that. Oh, and my life got better when the most delightfully smelly tramp sat next to me. Thank you family Fitch, I love my life.

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The advantage of getting the Greyhound Bus was that I arrived at the Halls about 20million hours earlier than everyone else, who were probably still trying to struggle out of bed. As a result, I had a chance to shower, wash my toilet, which had unusual looking skid marks all around it, and call JJ, my oldest friend:

"Alright J, how's it going, missing me yet" I joked

"well, statistically speaking, its only been approximately 10 hours 26 minutes and around 37, no 38 seconds since I last saw you, which is a less than average sleeping time, so, had I no idea you had left, I would simply assume it was a normal amount of time in which not to see you"

"You could've just said no, J"

I teased him obviously, but he was the closest thing I had to a real brother, or for that matter, a real friend.

"Emily, have you met anyone to be your friend yet. Wait, not that I'm not your friends, its just that, distance wise, I'm a bit far away, in fact, I'm very far away, and it could be difficult just to speak to me, and quite expensive too"

"J, J, JJ! Locked on sweetie. I know what you mean though. Not a soul here at the moment, hopefully later I'll get to know a few people."

* * *

The corridors soon started to fill up, and I left my iPod blasting with the door open. Plenty of people stuck their heads around to say hello, and I was soon in conversation with two girls quite the opposite from each other:

"hi, I'm panda and this is Effy. She doesn't say much, do you eff? But she's well clever and cool like, and she makes monkey with all the guys" don't you eff?"

"Yeah, that's right panda, I 'make' monkey…"

Slightly bewildered by these two, I gave them both my phone numbers and disappeared back into my room, leaving the door ajar while finally unpacking.

As much as I hate to say it, I did put up a picture of family on the wall. You can only hate if you love too much.

After unpacking everything, and taking a mental picture of the tidy, orderliness of my room (the ULTIMATE positive side of university – not having to share a room with Katie) I emerged into the hallway, fully intent on socialising in the large kitchen at the end of the corridor. As I came out, I came face to face with a flash of blonde, before she collided into me. Before I knew what was happening, her towel had slipped down to expose her right nipple, and I couldn't control myself as my eyes skimmed the length of her body and my tongue licked my lower lip. I looked back up at her, hoping she didn't see, and her strong, beautiful blue eyes stare back at me.

As she ran the extra 5 metres to her room, I notice she was almost opposite me. This day couldn't get any better. I saw her look back before she closed the door, and I left it 5 minutes before knocking on it.

She opened it slowly, dressed in a very skimpy pair of short, an old baggy t-shirt that only made her look hotter (if that was possible) and blush slightly when she realised who I was.

"Look I'm sorry about that" we both spoke at the same time

"Emily" I said with a smile

"Naomi", she said, returning it

Fuck she was so beautiful.

"do you wanna come in?"

I held my breath as I nodded, not willing myself to make a noise in the fear it may be a squeal.

As I walked inside I brushed past her, and I could've sworn I felt her fingers trace across my arm as it went past.

Well, hello University of London. You were definitely the right choice.


	4. Everything I Knew Naomi

**hey guys :) thank you so much for all your reviews etc etc, the feedback so far has been so good, but please do still review, it genuinely makes my day! **

**another update, and i've nearly written chapter 5 so that should be up tomorrow,**

enjoy, and review

love, Mobes xx

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**Everything I Knew - Naomi's POV**

Fuck. Shit. Fuckshitfuckshitfuck. She's in my room. Shit. What am I doing? And why did I have no control as she brushed past? What the hell is wrong with me?

Wait; snap out of it, Naomi. She's a girl. You're a girl. You can be friends. There's nothing else going on here. Calm. Just be nice, normal, and nice. And don't fucking mess it up.

I took a deep breath:

"Hey, so, do you want a drink?" oh fucking smooth Naomi. Like you have anything to drink, idiot. Christ, could I get anymore retarded. "And by drink I mean lukewarm coke or garibaldis". Yes, Naomi, absolutely fucking brilliant.

Whoa her smile. Well that caught my attention. Wait, snap out of it. She's a girl, remember?

She giggled, and grabbed the biscuits out of my hand, before reaching into her bag and pulling out an enormous bottle of vodka:

"I was going to wait 'till later, but you look like you could do with a drink"

"Or several, judging by the size of that beast" she smiled again, taking a swig at the same time. I ignored the *cute* signal flashing across my brain as I sat down on my bed, pushing my crap out of the way and beckoning her to sit down.

"Sooo Emily" I liked the way her name sounded on my tongue, it suited her, and I couldn't place why. I liked it.

"Yep?" she was too cute – shit, what am I thinking?

"Tell me about you" please let her have a long life story so I can sort myself out.

"Okay, erm, well, I'm from Bristol, really, but my parents thought it would be a brilliant idea to move to the countryside about 3 years ago, in other words, Bath."

She's funny too. Lived in Bristol? How have I not met her before?

"My dad owns a gym and my mum runs a wedding business. Both of them try to use my surname effectively as a slogan and fail miserably". She pauses.

"Surname" I ask, "what is it?"

"Fitch"

"Okay, so, that doesn't really give me any ideas, how do they 'sloganise' it" I grab the vodka off Emily and take a long gulp. Yes, it still tastes like paint stripper, I'm clearly not drunk enough yet.

"Well, dad owns a gym, as I said. So his slogan is 'Don't get fit, get Fitch'" I groan, with a smile playing on my lips

"No wait, it gets worse"

"Wait 'till you hear my name"

"I'm sure it's lovely" she winks and – wait – does this qualify as flirting?

Fuck, what's going on? I need more alcohol, quickly. I drink again, as she continues with her amazing voice. Did I mention it? It's husky and so so gorgeous. Christ, she's doing something to me.

"My mum, 'Let's get Fitched'"

I groan again, take another sip of Vodka and Emily follows, her tongue flicking out to lick her lips. I wonder what they taste….

"Naomi, Naomi, Naomi?" fuck, I zoned out completely, that embarrassing.

"You haven't told me what your name is, though I doubt it can beat the slogans of the Fantastic Fitch Family"

Little does she know…

"Campbell"

She looks confused.

"Work it out Ems" shit- that nickname slipped out before I could stop it

"Ems, I like it" she smiles,

"Christ, you're slow. My name is Naomi fucking Campbell"

She grins, "Nice middle name"

Okay, she's definitely flirting now, and, obviously the drink talking, cos I quite like it…

"What is it, ironic?"

"Nah, my mum is a twat, obviously. But hey, surely there's more to her about you?" I shift up, and place my hand on Emily's leg to steady myself

"Well, okay, but don't think for a second you're getting out of telling me your life story afterwards. Okay, I have a cross-dressing pervert as a brother and a twin"

I suddenly realise I've been tracing circle around Emily's thing and pull my hand away, but she grabs it quickly and hold on, tight. I'm blushing. Fucking hell. I look away, catching sight of the time. 8pm. Time flies…

I look back, having regained normal-ish colour to my cheeks. "A twin, eh? She must be the ugly one then"

Yes Naomi, you are drunk. And flirty. Fuck it, everything once. She's better than Cook anyway.

Now she's blushing. We're even.

Her thumb is gently stroking my hand, sending shivers all over my body. Fucking hell; this feels so right. I need to clear my head.

I lean over her body – oh yeah because that's going to help, (mental slap) – and grab a tin off of my bedside table

"Spliff?" I say, already lighting it.

She looks up, embarrassed: "I've never…"

"Well, everything once right? Just copy me yeah, if you want to…" my confidence is disappearing fast, this whole situation is kind of new to me, and yet it still feels so right.

I take a long drag, enjoying the calming sensation.

"Okay, just do the same as I did"

Passing her the Spliff, I move closer towards her, my elbows resting on her knees. Our faces were pretty close now. Christ, I must be drunk.

She inhaled, but exhaled straight way.

"Alright, you're clearly a malco"

She looked upset – "I'm joking silly, you didn't choke, that's pretty good for a first timer. But you also didn't really get the full affect of it. Okay, I've got a better idea, blowbacks. They'll be good, yeah?"

Whoa, that's not me talking. Blowbacks are not my kind of things. Shit, my body is working without me, already turning the Spliff around and cupping my hands over Emily's face/

"Ready? When I blow, inhale yeah?"

She nods, her eyes glancing quickly to my lips.

I inhale the Spliff before nodding and exhaling, just as she inhales.

"Right, hold it until your head kind of lifts"

I wait a few seconds, just looking at her, as she sits with her eyes closed. She's beautiful.

"Done it?"

She opens her eyes and nods, before exhaling

"That's fucking good Naomes" she giggles.

I put the Spliff on the side, smiling at my new nickname, suddenly becoming aware of the fact that I'm now straddling Emily.

And of how good it feels. Fuck me, this weed must be an aphrodisiac, or may Emily is…

I look back at Emily to see her eyes staring back at me. He eyes have darkened, with a needy expression in them. She's raking her fingers gently up and down my arm.

Fuck it.

I shift further up her legs, so we're practically joined at the hip, and whisper in her ear:

"So, this cross dressing brother, he sounds hot?"

She looks at me, trying to read my face for a sign that it's a joke, and I lean in and kiss her on the cheek, "kidding Emsy"

She turns her head and suddenly her lips are inches away from mine, and her tongue flicks out across her bottom lip again. It's mesmerising.

Hesitantly, I move my lips to hers and brush them together. Fireworks exploded inside me and she moves her hands to settle on my back, pulling me closer as she deepens the kiss. My tongue flicks against her bottom lip, begging for entry, and as out tongues collide I moan, without meaning to.

She's the best kiss I've ever had.

My hands are roaming her body, as we continue to kiss. She nibbles on my lower lip before kissing and sucking down my jaw line to my neck, sending shivers down my spine. Her fingers begin tickling my thing and my hips push towards her as my hands find their way to her breasts.

She stops, suddenly. It doesn't surprise me now that I am disappointed.

"I just need you to know, I'm gay. I won't regret this in the morning"

In the back of my head my conscience stirs as I grab her hand, kissing each of her knuckles as I say:

"I don't care, all I know is, you're beautiful"

And everything I ever thought I knew came crashing down as she smiled.


	5. Naomi's Interlude

**hey, i've got quite a few reviews for the last chapter about how quick everything was... it may seem like a bit rushed now but all will become clear i promise you :)**

**keep reading, keep reviewing, it puts a smile on my face.**

**just to warn you, this chapters a) an interlude (i.e. short) and b) a bit more depressing but rest assured more chapters will be up soon! **

**please let me know what you think :) loveee to all the subscribers and reviewers so far, you're brilliant! **

**mobes :) xx**

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**Naomi:**

I didn't sleep well last night. Fucking hell. The night's events played on repeat in my mind, sobering my body and filling me with regret. Anymore and I might burst

_All I know is, you're beautiful_

And she was. She is. So fucking radiant, even when she's sleeping. peaceful, lying there on my bed. She looked so delicate, so fucking fragile.

I didn't want to have to hurt her. I didn't want the morning to come, for her to wake up and see me. I didn't want to face her. Look her in the eye. Those eyes unravelled me, as simply as if I were a piece of string.

She made me feel. Feel like nothing had ever done before. She filled that emptiness that had been engulfing me since…Fuck. She opened doors and knocked down my walls.

Emily Fitch could shatter my soul, yet I hardly even knew her. That scared me.

I'm still lying here, sleepless, watching the ceiling intently, flicking my eyes between the clock face and the sleeping figure beside me. Waiting for a signal.

Its four AM. The light is beginning to shine through the half closed curtains, but not awakening any inspiration. That's why God can fuck off. Never here when you need him, is he?

Shit. I don't do this. I don't stay up all night worrying about the morning. I don't feel, show emotion. I don't kiss girls. Fucking hell, I don't do blowbacks. That's the crux of it. My body working without my mind, she made me fucking uncontrollable. It scared me that I had no control.

Lighting a cigarette, I quietly manoeuvred myself out of the small bed where she lay and huddle on the floor, near the window.

Nicotine, my friend in times of need. Friend, fucking friend.

I picked up my phone, dialled the number that was engrained in my memory:

"Freds? I need you."


	6. The Gaps Freddie

okay so this is the fastest update i've EVER done. feel privileged. also, a bit of a change this chapter. Kind of filling the gaps, an insight into Naomi's soul, if you so wish it to be. May update later, if not tomorrow. Keep reviewing, i'll keep smiling!

Thank-You for reading,

LAVVV xxx

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**The Gaps: Freddie's POV:**

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Most people think I'm closed off, unfriendly. That I comfortable in my own skins, almost arrogant in my aloneness. They think I don't want friends, that I don't need friends. They're wrong. It's just; I've got everything I need.

Naomi and I could be more opposite: number one, she's a girl, I'm a boy (ignoring the fact that she's more man that I'll ever be). Her mum's never had enough money, but is the most selfless woman I'll ever meet; my dad's always had too much money, and never shares. But we also have one thing in common. We build walls. We build walls around our feelings, around our hearts and around our souls. Our life goal is not to get hurt. And as much as our hardened outer shell states otherwise, we need each other. It's that simple.

I met her when I was Four Years Old. Remember the snotty little kid in the playground who always looked slightly out of place, too thin, too uncoordinated, but at the same time always looked as if he was insignificant? That was me. Naomi was the most intelligent little girl with the blondest hair I'd ever seen. The only girl wearing boy's uniform, she always was stubborn. I don't know why, but I found myself drawn to her – she's always had _it,_ whatever _it _is. I don't believe in fate, but luck must have been helping when we were sat next to each other. To this day I have no idea why the teacher thought it would be a good idea, but if I ever saw her again I'd thank her a thousand times over. I told Naomi my name and she rolled her eyes and looked away, but she had that power to make you love her without even realising – even then. She always introduced herself in the same way. 4 years old, and for the first of many times, she shocked the system:

"I'm Naomi, I hate injustice."

She tried her hardest not to make any friends, but I followed her around like a puppy dog, whining until she got so sick and tired of ignoring it, and agreed to come home with me for tea. My mum forgot to pick us up that day – I know now she was on a downer – and I ran away from school, from Naomi, as fast as I could, crying as hard as I could. She followed me, held me, and walked me back to school. She didn't let go of my hand until every last tear had dried on my face. She created the unbreakable bond

I watched her grow, saw the beautiful, fun and happy Naomi that she hides away, thrive. She was always my foundations, there to hold me when my mum died. I watched her the day her dad came crawling back into her life, saw her eyes fill with joy. I picked up the pieces of her shattered heart when he left again. I watched her put the last brick into her wall, build her defences and not let anyone in. I watched her close off from the world. I know that if I hadn't been so persistent at the tender age of 4 she would've never had the relationship she needed, and had with me, with anyone else.

We never talk about our feelings, not really. Superficially, I'll ask her how she is and inevitably the answer is almost always good. Not that that ever answers the question. But if she's crying, I'll comfort her. She knows I'll always be there, and vice versa. She's my rock.

I knew she loved me but she never showed it, for fear that I or anyone else would break her heart. I was the brother she needed, my dad the father she never had. Even now, when my dad and I have drifted apart, she still visits him. And in turn, Naomi gave me the support I needed, and her mum's house became my hiding place, the friendly place in an unfriendly world.

But out of everything I knew about Naomi, nothing prepared me for the broken voice I heard earlier:

"Freds? I need you."

Her voice, faltering over the plea for help, punched through that wall. I didn't ask why, the unwritten rule of our friendship is unconditional support, no questions asked. I knew she'd tell me when she could.

I didn't question her at all. Never needed to. It's all about trust. I'd give my life for her, 100 times over, if I thought it would make her happy. And I knew at this moment, exactly what she wanted me to do.

I grabbed my jumper, and stuffed it into a bag, adding a bottle of vodka, my remaining weed and some pills to the clothes – just in case. I picked up my skateboard and nicked the bank card out of my dad's wallet. Then I left the house, with only a note to show for where I was going:

'Naomi needs me, I've gone to London'

It had only been two days since she'd left. And she was already broken.


	7. AUTHORS NOTE

**Okay, So this is a massive apology for not updating in so long! It really annoys me when people go for ages without an explanation, so I'm going to grovel to you!**

**I'm really sorry, my life is mad atm, and I've got exams but they finish on Friday. I've written the next few chapters so when I get a chance I will upload them and then be back on track!**

**Please don't give up on me, I promise I'll be back with a vengeance asap!**

**I love all my reviewers, thank you and SORRY X 1000000000000**

**LOVEEEEE MOBES XXXX**


	8. Afterwards Emily

AND she's back on track. The next 3 chapters are planned out, and will be up shortly - probably tomorrow! Please Review, I Know I've been hopeless and I will be sending out personal thanks to all those who have been reviewing but yeh, keep reading!

I love the story alerts I get, it brings sunshine to my day. I originally wrote dad. That's a definite typo... :/

AHA, anyway, enjoyyyy. MORE Naomi next - 'cos I like writing her :))

loveee you all xxxx

* * *

Emily:

Oh holy wankshite. My head. Ouch. I was not planning to start Uni with quite such a band – literally. It felt like someone was playing a very loud drum solo in my head. Then again, I think my brain was frying trying to remember the finer details of last night. I had a half hazy idea, involving me telling Naomi I'm gay. Which fucks everything up, I don't just tell people things like that. I'm not that kind of person.

Oh shit, I left. Without leaving a note. She'll think I'm some sort of lesbian women eating slut.

But then again, if she knows I'm gay, I can't let her get to me. She cant be the one to fuck me over, again. I made myself a promise, never again. A new start. Christ, why did I drink last night? She was wasted, and so was I. but I can remember vividly that flash of regret in her eyes as she kissed me.

Kissed me. With those perfect lips touching mine. And her beautiful blue eyes shining into mine. That _feeling _that I couldn't ignore.

Concentrate.

I left early this morning. Naomi wasn't beside me when I woke up. I took that as a sign to go. Maybe I was wrong? Maybe she'd nipped to the toilet, we did drink a lot? Maybe she had gone to buy some food? Maybe….

Now I'm sitting here wondering if leaving was the right thing to do. What if she is just scared as I was? She must have felt it too.

No, don't be ridiculous. You were drunk; it didn't mean anything more than that. The chances of the first girl I bumped into being a) gay and b) interested in me are completely minimal. You can't let it get to you.

Love fucks you up.

Love? Christ, what had she done to me?

Stop thinking, act. If she wants you, she'll find you right.

I've never been the strong one, never the one to be chased. Always the chaser.

Accept it Ems – she's beautiful. Take each moment as it comes. Trust.

I hear JJ's mental voice in my head, my absent conscience.

"_Shes not like the others, Em. Not everyone is out to hurt you"_

DO SOMETHING

I need to sort out any awkwardness, I remember last night she told me what she was studying – English and Politics

The same as me.

Emily Fitch, you never do things the easy way

I need to talk to her – but I look like death warmed up. Appearances count, yeah? – that's all I ever learnt from Katie.

I grab some paper, to write a note, my brain finally warming up.

Intelligence in there somewhere.

_**Naomi, Sorry I left so early this morning, my room was unlocked and I panicked! **_

_**Maybe **__**Hopefully See You later**_

_**Ems xx**_

_**Ps – 07070707070 – just in case –x**_

Right, before I regret it, I throw a big hoody over my head and scuttle towards Naomi's room. She's in there, the lights are reflecting into the dark corridor – I forget students don't get up before 2 (fuck, its 7am, an ungodly hour). There's an intoxicating smell of weed which is seeping towards me.

I quickly slip the not under the door, and hear a mans voice from the other side.

Maybe I was too late.

Don't regret what you've already done, fix it.


	9. Naomi Sorting

**Naomi:**

Emily left. Early. I don't think she saw me, huddling in the corner, tears drying on my face. Clutching the vodka to my chest – because she'd touched it. Pathetic really.

I think I'm ill. Ever since she left, the room has felt cold.

I've been sitting here for hours, watching the numbers on the screen of my phone, changing.

I woke up at 4:05

I called him at 4:15

She left at 4:37

Its 6:21 now.

My head is spinning; like a thousand and one ideas exploding together at once. But I don't feel anything, nothing in comparison to what she made me feel.

Could I forgive myself if I admitted that now she's gone I miss her already?

Fucks Sake Naomi. Sort it out. She's a _girl._

But I can't move. I'm paralysed to the spot. Stuck in this limbo between right and wrong. To feel or not to feel? To pretend or accept? Or what it really came down to…

Love or Hate?

Love? Is that what it comes down to. It can't be. I don't _know _her.

I'm not a lover. I don't do emotion. It's a sign of weakness. I am not weak, I never have been. Never will be. No matter what she does to me.

_Then why when I say love, do I only see red?_

I only arrived yesterday. What had she done to me?

All I want to do is move on, forget and regret. Regret is easier to handle. Send it to the back of your mind, where it can sing its fucking song in silence. Forgive, accept. Christ, that's a challenge I don't want to face.

I light the spliff from last night. Fucks sake, even Weed reminds me of her. I feel like burning everything I own, for fear it might remind me of what I did.

What I've done.

She's on the same course as me, I can't avoid her forever. I mean, for Christ sake, she would've been the only friend you'd make.

Apart from fucking cook – whose text was illuminated on my fucking screen:

_Arittttttteeeeee blondieee, its fucking messy doawwwnnn here, cum get my cock babeesss_

Yum.

Though, on second thoughts, maybe Cook would be the answer. I mean, he's a guy, he wants me. I could want him.

Easily.

Christ. Even when thinking about Cook she's in my fucking head.

I don't know what I'm going to do. Fucking Freddie needs to hurry up….

Sometimes I'm gald I've got him.

I'm slowly uncoiling from my shell, fucking cramp. Its actually quite warm by this window, it could become my new favourite place to sit and think.

Thinking.

Emily.

Fucks Sake.

Its been 3 hours and I'v reached no fucking conclusions. I've got no ideas what to do. I didn't come to Uni for my life to turn into angsty shite.

Fucking Freddie. I need him. I hate to say it, but I do.

Thinking about it, I probably stink. I mean, I drank my body weight in vodka, so that's paint stripper seeping out of my pores. Combined with the rotting smell of lasts night weed and well, what Emily made me feel, I can't be a pretty sight this morning. Not that Freddie would care. Christ, he's always there.

Speak of the devil, well Fuck it. He can wait.

I need to shower.

* * *

Review, etc. I'm back, another update later, probably. Love to all, hope you're well! xxx


	10. Freddie Arriving

TWO updates in one night. i must really love you. orrr i've finished my exams.

both, actually.

on another note, listen to this song: .com/watch?v=n9hjTZFeSW4

the lyric "I saw you blink and i missed your eyes, your blue eyes " is so perfect for Emily thinking of Naomi while writing that note.

* * *

**Freddie:**

Naomi needed me. I knew that much. She was broken, and I was her glue. Everlasting glue. Unconditional Love. If I could tell her everything she meant to me, she would explode. It's the unspoken rule, not to say. But I could write a list.

It's a long train journey. I've got time.

I always write things down. Constantly scribbling away in notebooks, writing letters to far away people, friends, family. Those who I cant tell out loud.

_**Dear Naomi.**_

_**This is a list of what you mean to me. I will never give this to you, for fear it will split you in two,. But one day, you'll be strong enough to read it. And then I'll know that you are strong enough not to need me anymore. As much as that breaks my heart, I know it's true.**_

_**1)Thank you for being there for me, through better and through worse. You made it so much easier for me.**_

_**2) You were always there to make me smile, whenever I felt down. And you never failed to make me see the funny side. Don't ever lose that talent.**_

_**3) I told you everything and you never judged me. I respect that.**_

_**4) I was never scared to tell you something because I knew, no matter what, you'd always listen**_

_**5) Christ, I love your sarcasm**_

_**6) You're the sister I always wanted, and the support I never had**_

_**7) I'd trust my life in your hands**_

_**8) You never ever judged me for my actions, or what I said to you. But you always judge yourself**_

_**9) Even at the darkest times of your life, when I needed you, you were there**_

_**10) I can only hope to be as good a friend to you as you were to me**_

_**11) Naomi, I wish you would realise how beautiful you are.**_

_**12) I don't know who made you so broken, but they better be worth it.**_

_**13) Don't cry tears that you don't mean**_

_**14)Accept your instinct, its usually right.**_

_**15) Naomi Campbell, you are my rock. I couldn't live without you.**_

_**16) you're the strongest person i know**_

_**Freds, Forever.**_

Christ. All that weed smoking has made me soppy in the head. This train journey is longer than I thought.

* * *

It's been 50 minutes and counting since Naomi called me. I can make it to London from Bristol in 2 hours. It's been done before. _I have to. _Any longer and she'll stop using her instinct and do something she regrets.

I don't even know if I can help her. But I'll try as hard as I can.

The train gradually rolled to a stop, and I forced the doors open, flying onto the platform. Great first impressions to the London public as I fall to the ground, the bottles in my bag clinking noisily. Always lowering the tone.

The station is filled with keen early morning commuters, living in London and travelling all across the country, desperately catching the 6:00 train, clutching their coffee, hoping by some miracle they'll be awake by Guildford.

I doubt it.

I sprint – Christ, remind me to give up smoking yeah? – To the ticket booth, and grab the mans attention.

"University ***breath* **of ***breath* **London, near?" that's all I can manage, fitness is not my forte

He's looking at me like I'm foreign. It's probably fair, I haven't washed in 3 weeks and my sentences can barely be described as English.

"It's about a 2 mile walk, or you could wait 'till 7 and get the tube, mate"

Thank god I brought my skateboard.

* * *

After asking for directions from almost every person awake in London on my way – admittedly about 3 – I made it to the University in less than two hours. That non-stopping service to London was a god-send.

It took me a further ten minutes to locate Naomi's halls, fucking hell, she doesn't half make it difficult. And then her room. On the fourth fucking floor. Is she trying to kill me?

I knocked on her door. Loudly. Serves all those students right for drinking too much last night. Says me, with enough alcohol to serve a low budget bar in my bag.

Shit. She looks like, well, shit. Her cheeks are stained with tears, and, is that LIPSTICK all over her face?

She's clutching a half empty bottle, _large bottle¸_ of vodka to her chest.

"I was going to shower, but you're pretty fucking persistent"

I say nothing, and, for once, let actions speak louder than words.

I pull her towards me, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"I'm here"

She collapses into me, pushing her face into my t-shirt as her body shakes as the control she had breaks down. Christ, I need some explanations.

I guide her over to the bed, which, thank god, looks slept in. she wont let go of me, so I sit down with her on top of me. Cradling her like a baby. A weeping child. She doesn't weep. Something really must be wrong

"I kissed ***sniff* **a ***sniff*** girl" She's sobbing now, but at least the shaking has stopped.

I see her beautiful blue eyes look up at me:

"I kissed a girl, and now I can't get her out of my head"

* * *

She explained everything.

"Emily made me feel, Freds. Like I've never felt before. Not since Dad l-l-l-left" she stumbles over those words, and I realise how big a deal this is.

I realise why she needed me.

There's a scuffling under the door and I shift her weight so I can take a look.

A scrappy piece of paper presents itself, pristine and white against the greying carpet:

_**Naomi, Sorry I left so early this morning, my room was unlocked and I panicked!**_

_**Maybe **__**hopefully see you later**_

_**Ems xx**_

_**Ps – 07070707070 – just in case –x**_

I show Naomi, and she sniffs again. But at the same time, I see the reassurance in her eyes. I know this girl means more to her than she will let her.

"Text her, Naomes. What harm can it do?"

She's shaking her head.

I grab her phone and open a new message:

_Hey Ems,_

_It's Naomi, just so you have my number too… _

_I'm sure I'll see you in a bit, Seminar Induction after all…! _

_Hope you got some sleep,_

_N xx_

Naomi looks at me with defeat in her eyes.

I key in the number before she can regret it.

Done.

I wont let her ruin the chance to mover forward, be strong. But she doesn't like change.

* * *

I'm trying to lighten the mood, literally. I open the window

Naomi looks confused:

"No offence Nai, but you really stink babe…"

"you're not smelling so peachy yourself Fredster, your hair is in dreadlocks, and that's not a good thing"

There she is, coming back to me.

"right, shower, smelly, or else. And I mean that in the nicest possible way"

If she showers first, she can dress while I shower, therefore minimising the time she'll have to spend on her own.

She hasn't moved.

"I promise you I won't leave you. There's room for me to stay, right?"

* * *

as always, reviews are lovely. After writing this chapter, i thought i'd add the other music that is kind of inspiring me...:

_1) I Saw You Blink - The Stornoways_

_2) Gap - The Kooks_

_3) Samson - Regina Spektor_

_4) Who Needs Actions When You've Got Words - Plan B_

_5) Strongest Person I Know - The Streets_

_6) 1 - Joyzipper_

_7) Blame It On The Rain - HE IS WE_

_8) Crystallised - The XX_

_9) Inbetween - Aaron Short_

_10) Wondering What Everyone Knows - Lightning Dust_

**___A bit of a random list but its inspiration. seriously, check out all the songs. especially Aaron Short, his voice is BEAUTIFUL _**

Ii'm off to bed, but the next two? (dont hold me to it!) Chapters, will hopefully be up tomorrow!

Love Mobes xxxx


	11. Making Progress

**So, having realised I should write longer chapters, I decided to also experiment with split POV. I quite like it, and I know this update took longer than promised but I became a social bean this weekend. Thanks, as always for the reviews. They're always helpful.**

**_I thought I'd just jump on the bandwagon and say, if you don't like a story, then yeah, tell us. But in a constructive way. Every story is brilliant in its own way, so be nice._**

**I love everyone who is reading this. Xxxx**

**

* * *

**

**Naomi:**

I've worked out I always do things the hard way. I reckon its some stupid idea my brain has that if it's more difficult for me, I'll enjoy it more. Well, message to you brain, it actually just really gets on my tits. Bear that in mind, yeah?

Especially at the moment, I'm pretty sure someone has deliberately made my life pretty fucking difficult. Even though Freddie has kind of made sense of everything – not that I'll tell him that, his ego's big enough already; at the moment I feel as if I've dug myself into a massive hole, jumped in, and continued digging. Not cool.

I know two people at this university. One is a drunken pervert, and goes by the delightful name of Cook. The other, well, lets just say, she's clearly responsible for the difficulty I find myself in. And, as if I wasn't dreading this 'introduce yourself' lecture enough already, I'm 20 minutes late, and I put my make-up on in the dark. I just caught sight of myself and I look like the joker. Fucking brilliant.

_Not that I care about what I look like, I mean, who am I going to see?_

Oh, and my iPod hates me. I'm not really sure how that's possible considering it's a very small and quite useless machine, but every single fucking song has made me see red. Even fucking Kylie – yes, okay, my iPod needs updating.

_I just can't get you out of my head._

Yes Kylie, I agree.

Christ, I've just seen the lecture through the window and they've definitely already started. Just my fucking luck. No one is usual punctual, and I blame Freddie.

_I always blame Freddie._

Okay, confidence Naomi. You don't give a fuck anyway. Just pretend you know what you're doing and **don't **make a scene

I swing open the door and it crashes into wall, the sound echoing around the whole hall. Oh fucking smooth you tit wank.

I hastily look at the ground as I blush.

"_Ah, hello, you must be… well, actually, why don't you get us started, stand at the front and introduce yourself to the group" _

Oh Christ alive in heaven. This couldn't get more embarrassing, unless my skirt was tucked into my pants – yes, I did check.

"_Erm, okay, well, erm. I'm Naomi. I err, like, well, love politics actually, and I'm doing joint honours with English because I think literature is the best way to communicate political philosophy"_

I stop, sensing perhaps I've gone too far, but no, lecturer in hideous purple dress is looking expectant.

I cough, nervously, and scan my eyes for Emily. She's staring at me with a very amused look on her face. Fucking hell.

"_Aha, well, I'm from Bristol, where I live with my mum. She's a bit of a joke actually. Oh, and I love music. It's a part of me."_

Saying that, I realise my headphones are trailing on the floor behind me, and I bend down to pick them up as purple dress continues speaking.

"_Well thank you, Naomi that was so deep and insightful."_ Fucking Sarcasm, how dare she? She looks like she just strangled a purple ostrich and decided to wear it.

"_Why don't you take a seat dear? How about on the second row, next to the girl with the red hair? That seems to be an accessible free seat"_

I look up at the mention of red, and, just is my luck, she's pointing at Emily. Shit.

Okay, act normal. Nothing bad happened. Everything's going to be fine.

And purple is still talking: _"now, next we'll have, well, you, next to the empty seat I just pointed out."_

As I squeeze past the obese student sitting to the right of said empty seat, I notice Emily standing up. Great, now I can get her back for that smirk.

"_Hi, I'm Emily Fitch. I lived in Bath until this week, and I'm so glad I've escaped to somewhere a bit more exciting" _she gets a laugh from a few people in the crowd and I feel something surge within me.

Pride? Jealousy? It can't be.

"_I chose to study English because I think literature is the way to see someone's soul. And politics, well, in a way you could claim that it is the truest representation of the inner thoughts of an individual. You can learn a lot from first glances, but if you find out a person's favourite book, or political position, you basically have all you need to make a fair judgement. So, I'm Emily. My favourite book is A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf, and if communism was possible, I'd then make Castro god."_

No smirking from me, I was gobsmacked. She believed in Communism, like me. Maybe we had more in common that I had first anticipated.

And she shut up Mrs. Purple. Nothing could be better.

Purple, who, from looking at my course folder which was on the desk in front of me, was actually called Susan – fitting that, continued introducing various members of the extended cohort. I wasn't listening. Emily had slipped a note across the table to me, and, without meaning to, I read it eagerly.

My brain definitely doesn't coordinate with my actions.

_I had about 2 hours sleep, once I'd got out of the room where you were snoring so heavily. Insightful introduction by the way, really deep._

Oh fuck you, Emily Fitch. You're too fucking witty for your own good.

_Well, Miss Emily Fitch, of bath, I'm sorry I didn't out myself as a dissident feminist communist this morning. And I definitely do NOT snore._

Two can play at this game.

The notes continued throughout the duration of the long seminar, and I soon realised I really wasn't going to learn anything this year, with Emily next to me. not that I minded, the banter – which is al; that it was, obviously, _just friends_ – kept me interested enough to stop my imagination from wandering. Which was good?

_Well, I'm sorry you won't learn anything, but my company is so much better than Susan the exciting. Coffee afterwards, Nai? I'm bored and need caffeine._

That was normal right? Getting Coffee with your friend? I was tempted to text Freddie, but I trusted my own judgements – hopefully.

_I think I'd prefer Susan actually; she's looking super exciting in that ostrich costume. Yes, coffee sounds good._

Good?

_Yes, coffee sounds great! I need caffeine so bad. And cake. I like cake._

Keep it light and **friendly**_**. **_I'm good at friendly.

Emily suppressed a giggle at my description of Susan as she grabbed her bag.

Oh, the lectures over, right. I should move.

"_Come on fatty, you haven't had that cake yet, you should move faster than this"_

I smiled.

This girl is pretty fucking funny. I like her.

_As a friend, obviously – _Said my conscience.

But if I need to say that, is it really true?

* * *

**Emily:**

I was searching for Naomi this morning. I was worried that she wouldn't turn up, worried that I'd fucked up so spectacularly that she'd hate me forever. So when she wasn't in the hall by the start of the lecture I was really scared. My heart sank as the lecturer closed the door. I left a spare seat next to me, just in case.

And then she turned up. She didn't see me, but I was watching as she scanned the seats, looking for someone. Looking for me?

She introduced herself, and I couldn't stop the amusement showing from my smile. She looked so fucking cute. She was blushing, and, if I can say so, red was definitely her colour. Wow. I sound like Katie. Christ, I need to stop.

I nearly died when she sat down next to me – and I know it's not cool. Christ, she was beautiful.

I didn't want any awkwardness between us, so I slipped her a note, as a friend. Obviously, as a friend. Nothing else. I struggle to remember that…

Luckily, she seemed to be happy to reply. We passed notes back and forward, and I kept biting back the question I was dying to ask. Come on Emily, confidence. She's a friend. You need a friend.

_Well, I'm sorry you won't learn anything, but my company is so much better than Susan the exciting. Coffee afterwards, Nai? I'm bored and need caffeine._

I wish I could mind read. It would be so useful. I'd be able to tell what Naomi was thinking, I wouldn't have to hold my breath to stop my heart beating so fast I thought I might faint.

_Yes, coffee sounds great! I need caffeine so bad. And cake. I like cake._

She's so adorable. For a friend.

I smile. And then, realising suddenly that I've been so absorbed in thoughts about Naomi (if only it were allowed) that I hadn't figured out that everyone else was leaving. I grabbed my bag, looking back at Naomi to see that she was more in a daydream than me. We're a pair.

"_Come on fatty, you haven't had that cake yet, you should move faster than this"_

She smiled. And her eyes lit up. I think I would pay good money to see that every day.

Christ. Concentrate on friendship, yeah Ems?

I keep up the casual banter on the way to my favourite coffee place, lightly mixing in some of my best flirting techniques at the same time. There's no harm in trying, right?

"_Erm, Ems, where are you taking me? We've walked past three perfectly good coffee shops now?"_

I loved her nickname for me. Christ, I was falling, big time.

"_Aha the thing is, my favourite coffee house in the whole of London is around the corner and I'm pretty sure it's better than any of these ones…"_

"_Yeah, well, it would be better still if it was Susan with me; I mean she's a total babe"_

"_Aha well, maybe for your first date you can come here?"_

I just mentioned the d-word. Okay, this isn't a date, its just coffee. That's all Naomi thinks it is. Still, flirting a-go-go.

We arrived, Naomi dragging her feet, complaining, as usual. That's the weirdest thing to say, seeing as I've only known her 3 seconds, but it's true.

"_Christ Ems, any further and I'll need alcohol to stop my limbs dropping off…"_

"_Yeah, well, just 'cos you're an alcy…"_

I was on fire with the witty comebacks, and at least they were making her laugh.

* * *

**Naomi: **

"_Yeah, well, just 'cos you're an alcy…"_

Outraged by Emily's vicious slur on my character, I gave her a gentle push. My eyes lingered a little too long on her back, on her bum, as she climbed the steps to the door of the shop, and I found myself shaking all sorts of inappropriate thoughts out of my head.

She's a girl – but Freddie's statement echoed in my head. When had that bothered me? Okay, well, she doesn't like me like that. Girls kiss Girls all the time when drunk. We were just friends, and that's all we'd be.

With a new found _friendship based _confidence I bounded into the shop after Emily, jumping up next to her in the queue.

"_I don't think you need any more Coffee Naomes"_

Naomes? I like it. I like **her.**

"_Well, then, I'll have a liqueur coffee, seeing as my legs are about to fall off"_

"_Oh I'm buying am I?" _oh yes Emily Fitch, pay back for that smirk.

"_Yep, I promise I'll repay you at our next coffee session" _again, my brain was working without me; I'd essentially asked her out again. Asked her our? No, organised a coffee. This wasn't a date.

"_Find us a table then, Miss Campbell" _Emily sniggered at my name, trying to hide it behind her hand.

"_I saw that, so you better 'get Fitch' if you want to beat me when I tickle-fight you later"_

Tickle-fight? Naomi, you're verging on publically indecent.

I sit at a comfortable table, away from the prying eyes of the rest of the café. I had the sneaky feeling that I was subconsciously preparing myself for a date.

I guess Freddie was right. As much as I hate to say it, I think I was falling for her. Not that that would make anything any easier. I can't deal with pressure.

And I definitely don't do emotion.

Emily came back, drinks in hand, and I smiled at her. A genuine fucking smile. And it felt good. I actually felt at ease – apart from the nerves – on her company, and there was no awkwardness. It was fucking brilliant.

"_Why are you laughing at me? I don't have a coffee moustache do I?"_

I just giggled some more.

"_No, actually you don't, yet. I'm just happy Ems. That doesn't often happen, so treasure it yeah?"_

On a negative, I tend to share my feelings with this girl too much. Without meaning to. Christ. It's like a fucking limbo. Do I, don't I? Should I?

A few contented minutes past, with Emily staring at the other coffee drinkers, giving me a chance to think, no, dwell, on last night. Or more importantly, on Emily. And her kisses. Christ. I'm fucked.

"_You're quiet, for the first time ever. Well, since yesterday anyway. Whatcha thinking about?"_

Quite without meaning to, I lifted my eyes and stared into her brilliant brown ones.

"_Last night"._

Fuck. Definitely did not mean to say that. I break eye contact, embarrassed.

"_Nai? Nai?" _she whispers my name softly, and, when I don't answer she gently puts her hand on top of mine on the table. I look up then.

Be brave Naomi. You definitely started this conversation.

"_Just, erm, well, you know. I err, well…" _yes Naomi. Fucking brave. Brilliant executed and explained.

Emily chuckled: _"Sorry N, I don't speak that language, could you translate?"_

Deep breaths.

"_I meant what I said" _my heart is beating a thousand times faster than it should.

"_What, about the hotness of my younger cross-dressing brother?" _this gives me a bit of confidence; Emily's as scared as I am.

Fuck it, everything once. Make Freddie proud.

"_I think…"_

I pause, for longer than I should of. Emily's lovely eyes looking at me, expectantly.

"_You. Fuck, you're beautiful, alright. And I'm fucking jealous of you if I'm honest. I bet you get all the boys" _

Oh fucking brilliant Naomi. You bottled it and the chance to find out if she felt the same way.

She's still holding my hand.

"_Well, I could say the same about you. I'm sure you've got every guy on campus drooling over you already."_

Well. That went well.

I look back at her. And place my other hand over hers, stroking my thumb over her knuckles.

I feel so fucking disappointed that I didn't say it.

I put my coffee down on the table, stand up and move towards Emily. She looks confused,

Her bemused eyes are the last things I see before I hesitantly lean in, and close my eyes.

My lips meet hers, and my heart sours.

If this isn't right, nothing is.


End file.
